Toasts with Tequila

So hi, it's been a while. Apparently some people actually read this possibly regularly or maybe not but either way I'm sorry I have been missing for a while.

Life's been a blur for the last little bit, so much so I can't even remember the last time I blogged so lets just get some bare bones of a structure of my life since February break.

It was pretty bland. I stopped doing readings for a while because I couldn't be bothered. One of my friends never came back to class and I was really sad and lonely for a while. The buses came back at some point and I was really happy about that. We had a spree of weather that was past summer and not as much rain as I would have liked. I never got to hang out with Laura because our schedules are constantly conflicting. I went to see a movie with my best friends Erin and Jaclyn but I never got around to seeing one with Stephen. I found out that my rib cage is larger than my brothers who is almost a foot taller than me and that everyone thinks I'm super smart. I had my FYP oral exam which went less well that planned and I signed up for all my classes next year (dets to follow). We had our tutorial party and a going away party and my heart cried a little. I also made friends with a prof and made him a thank you cake.

Okay! Lets start with the fun thing, I PICKED MY CLASSES. Next year is going to be sooooOOOooo great (I can't stress how great it's going to be). In first semester I'm taking Astronomy (HOW COOL) which is a full year course, French (WOW LANGUAGE CREDIT) which is a full year course, Ancient and Medieval Science (NICE) which is the HOST core course and also a full year, British Literature before 1800 (YEAH), and Listening to Classical Music (YES THAT IS ACTUALLY A COURSE GUYS). In second semester I'm taking the first three still (because they're full credits) and Foundations of Science Fiction (YOU WISH YOU WERE THIS COOL) and Science and Totalitarianism (WOOOOOOO). Yeah, I'm cool and I'm taking the most awesome couses ever. I actually made a really cool friend in the last two weeks of classes (his name is Alex and he's really cool) who's taking Science and Totalitarianism too which is really cool because I'd defs like to get to know him better. We like a lot of the same things. It's good.

Speaking of new friends, I found out that one of my favourite tutors is coming back next year, Mr. Burke. He helped me a lot with my research paper on time travel. It was a pretty good paper if I do say so myself. I handed it in earlier this evening (as in I drove to King's and dropped in through a slot and watched it go splat on the floor. It was a good time). Anyways, I think Mr. Burke is a really cool guy. He likes the same things as I do and he's really easy to talk to and, unlike some of my other "friends" really enjoys talking about academics. Because he helped me so much with my paper I made him a honey cake which just happens to be my new favourite cake. I got the recipe out of the Winnie the Pooh cookbook I bought myself for Christmas that's made for five year olds. He said it was good and that he liked it and I am pleased.

I suppose you might want to know about my awesome tutorial party. It was pretty slow starting. I chatted with Tom for a while. He's coming back next year which I'm really glad about because we never got a chance to watch movies together this year and geek out over geeky things. I talked to the other Tom for a bit too and that was fun. Then another tutor came whose name I'm too lazy too look up right now with a bottle of Tequila. Then some people in my tutorial acquired two lemons and some salt and Laura made the most beautiful toast ever. She called us intelligent and beautiful. It was so wonderful. Then we all took a shot of tequila and it was a beautiful moment. Everyone thought it was really gross but I didn't find it too bad, then again what do I know. I don't drink. eventually it was time to say goodbye because my dad was coming to get me and it was very emotional. Aynsley and Tom were stupendous, Cadence and Siobhan were too nice, Ava and Millie were beyond, Warren was really sweet, and I can't deal with what Laura told me. She said that I was a really good student. I mean, I think I'm a good student but for someone to tell me that who has marked most of my papers and had to deal with all my crazy thesis' all year long it really really meant something to me, you know? Anyways, that was all fun and games.

Oh, I forgot. On the last day of classes I co-hosted a smoothie party. It was really fun. We hung around and drank smoothies and ate honey cake. mmm mmm mmm.

On Friday night I went to another party. Ava is moving into some big old house with a bunch of her friends and they had a house warming party. I had met all the people who she was living with before and they're all really sweet but while I was there I met a lot of people who I had never met before and they were all really cool. I want them all to be my friends. Unfortunately I'm rather odd so the likelihood of that happening are slim unless they all prove me wrong.

I think it's funny that the two weeks before exams are the most I've partied all year long.

I hope you enjoyed this little summary of my life in the last month and a bit. I need to go sleep because I have to get up tomorrow to cram for an exam at 3.30.

Wish me luck guys.







OH I GOT POTTERMORE TODAY. AshBlood2044. Add me up.

Cowardice

I appologize in advance for the many spelling mistakes that this post will no doubt have.

Yesterday in my blog you would have found out about my lovely meeting that was suppose to be today with the even more lovely Dr. McOuat. I was very excited if you recall correctly.

When I woke up this morning I had a bad feeling. Was it because I slept through my first two alarms and missed my shower? Partly. I also decided that there must be bad traffic and there was. But the horror continued when I got to school.

I didn't do my reading last night so I did it before lecture, no problems. I lost at roll up the rim, again but typical. Lecture was fantastic. Everything was going well.

But then I went to Dr. McOuat's office and he was talking to someone else. Nbd. He'll be done soon? No. I hid around the corner while my friend Ava tried to convince me to go knock on the now shut door. Heart breaking? Yes. Devestating? Yes. Dreams dashed? Yes.

What am I going to do? Write a very nice letter apologizing for being a coward. This happens all the time. The letter writing that is.

Then I went to the ward room to eat lunch and no one was there so I ate alone in a hallway. I'm really cool.

Planning Ahead

So, next year is rapidly approaching which means that all us university students who aren't graduating this year (and even those of us who are) need to pull up are socks, get our lives in order and decide what we want to do next year or for the next three years as the case may be. This, for some, may be an extremely challenging process. I find it challenging mostly due to the fact that I want to talk everything that I see.

This is when my social ineptness doesn't come in handy.

Today Dr. Gordon McOuat gave a lecture on Darwin in FYP (he gave four lectures on Darwin in HOST but that's not important to my story today). It was a lovely lecture and I enjoyed it immensely. During the break I went down to tell him that I was really enjoying the lecture because I think he's really cool (this is a big step for me because people scare me a lot). I also managed to blurt out the fact that I've been considering doing a combined honors in HOST. He thought that was a good idea. I also made an appointment to meet with him tomorrow after lecture to talk to him about it a little more.

I always think that people are going to be way more terrifying than they are or think that I'm asking stupid questions. I'm glad that I finally talked to Dr. McOuat. I've been meaning to for some time because he's probably the only person in the whole department that I can actually say something in front of without sounding like an idiot (not because I don't have a healthy fear/respect for him and his intelligence, that part still terrifies me. He just seems really nice, understanding and easy to talk to).

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I think it's going to be a good day.

Also, I got back one of my papers today. I got another B. Go me!

I Want To Do Well In School

I want to read fun things but I want to do well in school.

I don't want to do my essay but I want to do well in school.

I don't want to do my other essay but I want to do well in school.

I want to procrastinate more and not have most of my break wasted on school but I want to do well in school.

I want to sleep but I want to do well in school.

I want to do well in school but I'm too lazy to.

Day 7: Who is your least favorite professor?

I can genuinely say that I have never really hated a teacher. I disliked my grade 11 history teacher but only because she didn't teach me anything. Out of all the teachers at Hogwarts I don't believe one of them does not teach what they ought. I don't know who you be my least favourite. They all seem so wonderful.

plans plans plans

What I need is an action plan. I make plans all the time but this will be the ultimate plan

Originally I was all "I'll do rough drafts of both my essays today, type them tomorrow, read tomorrow (because I haven't touched a book all week) and then hang out with my friends on Sunday. Win, win, win, win, win." But that seems like it's not going to happen. I can't write about Darwin today, I can barely write about Frankenstein (4 pages and counting. I need two more). But maybe I can. We'll see how it is later.  If I can't do Darwin tonight (which I defs can) then I'll do it tomorrow after I type Frankenstein and edit it throughout the week (it's not due until Friday).

I WILL GET IT DONE

More Essay Procrastination.

The graph for views on this blog is like a mountain range. It has peaks and valleys and never ceases to amaze and surprise me.

I don't have that much to say today, mostly because I used up all my words yesterday. I still haven't started my HOST paper and I'm not that much farther ahead with my FYP one.

Ah, the life of a student. To work I must go.

Zip. Zero. Zilch.

The fact that someone read my last blog makes me kind of happy seeing that I didn't post links to it anywhere. I like to think it means you either stumbled upon it or read it because you want to and you like me. As always, my obsession with who reads this and who doesn't is not the point of this blog. This blog is about those demons that always haunt me that cannot be repelled with salt or iron. Yes, procrastination and writers block.

So, for those of you who are unaware that my life is currently awesome right now should be. It's "spring break". Why is it in February? Why is it not is spring? These are very good questions that I too would like the answers to.  I think February break has a nicer ring to it and doesn't give you false hopes of sunshine and warmth that you desire in the dead of winter.

Apparently February break isn't that much of a break judging by the horror stories I've heard from upper years and the fact that I have two essays due when I get back and a ton of reading that I haven't bothered to touch.

On Monday my excuse was that it was the first day and I was getting things together for my resume. On Tuesday my excuse was that I had piano and that I was handing in said resume.  Yesterday my excuse was that I was hanging out with my friend Erin, clearly no time for working. Today I have no excuse but I can't make myself sit down and look at work.

I've written two pages and a bit but it's like pulling teeth. Every word escapes me and I have to pull it out of my head with such force that the next word escapes just as the first does. I spend an hour pacing my living room just trying to think.

I have a thesis and I know it's pretty solid. For one paper. On Frankenstein.

Darwin, on the other hand, has nothing.

Zip.

Zero.

Zilch.

When did I lose all my inspiration. When did I lose my desire to be me. On any normal day I can write and write and write until I sleep but today is so lack luster. I can still write but not about what I need to.

I feel like it was the other day when I didn't want to do anything. Move, talk, be.

It's always so funny how these things work out. One day everything is great and things are awesome and you actually think you have friends and whatnot and the next you're sitting alone in you room with the lights off and the curtains closed alone watching Amadeus until your mum gets home and you order Chinese food and watch Muppet Treasure Island or you invite someone out and something comes up or you offer someone a drive home friend to friend and they treat the other people you're driving like shit because they don't want to work on your scheduled or you end up taking the back seat to other people always. 

And you feel like you're ready to give up and let the world win. Sink back into your lowly existence that you had before where you were the weird kid, the odd one out, who preferred spending time alone in their room reading books that didn't matter but after so long of not being them, of not having people literally run away from you, of not being made fun of to your face, of actually being kind of liked when faced with this partly chosen exile you can't do it.

You can't go back to being numb, you can't go back to not caring, you can't. And maybe that's worse. When all you hear is can't, won't, and I'm sorry I'm busy tonight maybe another time? And from yourself: you're not good enough, funny enough, likable enough, you're just not enough. But you can't be more. And no matter how many times people tell you you're cool and awesome it doesn't amount to anything because all you know is that tomorrow they won't be there, they won't talk to you, you'll be alone in your house pacing through your living room trying to write a paper and failing miserably.

I know.

jokes

I don't know if you notice or not but sometimes I try to be funny. I don't know if I succeed but I like to think I'm a funny gal. At least when I'm breaking down I'm pretty hysterical.

Life Unexpected

I started watching Life Unexpected yesterday and don't get me wrong, it's a great show. The plot is extremely predictable and the characters make the same mistakes over and over again but I can say that I genuinely enjoy watching it.

I don't know about you, my faithful readers, but I get emotionally attached to a lot of things. People, books, movies, characters, television shows, sun glasses. You name it, I can attach to it. Some people might say that this is a bad trait and I wholeheartedly agree with them. It isn't the greatest in fact it is probably the root of a lot of my anxiety and sadness but as of right now that's the way I am so I just need to learn how to deal with it.

Anyways, back to this show I've been watching. I've become emotionally involved with the three main characters and when they make a mistake or someone comes back into the plot line (even though you know they had to) I get really upset and flustered and yell at my computer (just imagine how bad I am when I'm part of a fandom *coughcoughfringecough*).

I think this show, though predictable, says a lot about life. Who hasn't made the same stupid mistake twice? Or three times? Or more than three time? Don't you ever wish that your friend would wake up and realize all the stupid things that they're doing or how they're following the same dating trends with the same results and if they want something good to happen they just need to change a little? Do you ever wish that you'd realize this in yourself?

One of the reasons I believe that I get attached to books, movies, television shows and the characters in them is because I can always see a piece of myself in them, even if it's not who I am now. For instance, in Nurse Jackie I see my wishes to be able to pull off her deviousness in my wicked dreams where I become true overlord ruler of the world (it's a pretty sick dream). Books, movies and television are a great media to find out what you are and what you aren't if you can connect with the characters and the situations and not everyone can do this but it is pretty neat.

I don't think this is the real reason that I'm blogging right now though. I have a lot of things flowing through my mind that I want to say but don't feel I can mainly because I don't know who reads this and that could be potentially problematic/embarrassing/I don't know what. Of course this crypticness may only make you more curious as to the thoughts flowing around my brain (it's a very interesting place to be).

All of this being said I would defs suggest watching Life Unexpected (it's currently on Netflix for those of you who have it... Arrested Development is also there and it is also extremely awesome) Have a good night.