Nerd Life?

I doubt this actually exists now, either that or I hang out with a lot of outliers.

I've noticed recently that people are saying that they follow the so called "nerd life" because they've read some popular books (Harry Potter, and the Hunger Games (and maybe Hank Green or whatever who started this all. I haven't read any of his books but he seems like a pretty cool guy)) and are part of popular fandoms (above). Anyways, I'm just doubtful that this makes you a nerd.

First of all what is so nerdy about reading popular books whenever everyone else is reading them? That just seems pretty normal to me. I mean, if you're going through a book or two or three a week (unless they're all 1000 pages or so and they take you a few weeks to read. That would be an exception) you may be a book nerd. May.

I really don't know if anyone agrees with me or if this is all complete and utter bull it just irritates me somewhat that people praise the "nerd life" when they aren't even that nerdy. Then again, this is coming from someone who was excluded from a lot of things in elementary/junior high because they liked reading and being nerdy.

Anyways....

Don't hate me.

Emotions.

Don't you hate having obligations?

A lot of my friends have tumblr. Well, I don't have a lot of friends but most of them do have tumblr. By friends I mean the people that I actually know in real life this time.

Sometimes I find them really really annoying but I can't unfollow them because I know them. The internet use to be my way to get away from everything and now it's infected with people I know. I can't say anything about any of this. I really can't say it here either. Everything is connected.

Today is worse than normal for this too. I've been feeling really emotional for the past week or so, mostly because of lack of sleep I think. All my nerves are frayed and this a pushing me off the edge.

Also, my bedroom currently has next to nothijng in it and went from looking like a thirteen year old lived in it to no one lives in it. My Dad and I are suppose to build shelves for my ever growing book collection but that isn't going so well so all my stuff is in the rec room and my room looks gross and empty and there are holes in the wall.

We might have been able to get it done this weekend but mummy said that I can't make him do anything tomorrow because it's father's day. It's fair, I guess.

Oh, and to add to all of this my grandmother's cat is missing.

just.


ugh.


emotions.

Hermitude.

In the last year or so I changed a lot or at least I think I have. Maybe not a lot but enough.

I use to think I was negative and hated everything but it's just getting worse over time. There's only a hand full of people that I actually want to socialize with now and the rest of it feels like a chore. By a handful I mean 4 and one of them is in Mexico right now.

I feel like I can't go on the internet any more because so many of the people that I'm trying to get away from are everywhere around me all the time. I go on facebook and twitter and I read things and I just can't do it but I'm still at that point where I can't delete anyone and it's so frustrating.

I struggle a lot of finding commonalities and if I can't find them I feel like everything is just a waste of time in most instances. We're kept on a cusp of having everything and nothing to talk about and when we do talk I get sinking feelings of disappointment because I want it to be so much more and I know it never will be.

Maybe I should just become a hermit.

In which I whine about everything again.

Today when I woke  up I felt really good. Really really good. I had a really great morning. I started to rewatch season one of Fringe. It's hard to have a bad morning and early afternoon when staring and beautiful people talking about cool science. This afternoon was really good too. I went to coffee with one of my friends from band and we had a really good time, or at least I did. She's going to King's next year so I gave her  a list of things to expect and some quick tips for success in FYP. This evening was pretty good too. I had a great dinner and Mum made cake in a jar again and then I did the dishes and watched more Fringe. I came downstairs after I finished watching Fringe and I was feeling pretty okay. I did normal things on the internet, checking my emails and such. Then I had this feeling of total worthlessness. A feeling that makes me want to not leave my room for several weeks. A feeling that makes me want to cancel all my plans. A feeling that makes me want to quite work. And I don't know where it's coming from.

Everything's been going really really well lately. Better than it should. I had a really good past three months. I became almost normal. I got friends. People almost liked me. People do like me. I got along really well with everyone at my new job and I still do even though I'm really awkward and say okay far too often. On Tuesday I stopped being able to sleep for no particular reason. Normally I can't sleep because I'm worried about something or need to think but I don't have anything to worry about. Yesterday I was really emotional about everything and today I don't want to move.

I don't understand.

I don't know why I told you all this.

My life is very dull.

What does this even mean?

So! It's been a long time since I've actually written anything blog related. Guess what that means! CATCHUPTIME!

I finished FYP (yay) and I have a B average (yay)! I have a job and I had lots of money but then I spent it all which I wasn't suppose to do because I'm suppose to be saving to pay for university (awwh). I'm 19! That's actually not that exciting.

Today I realized that I may be the most boring person to walk the earth. I was trying to decide whether to read, watch fringe, play the sims or float around the internet and I couldn't decided. Normal people my age might have gone out with friends or something like that. Me? Nope.

I'm actually really behind on my reading. I'm only halfway through the book I'm reading and I haven't really touched it over the last few weeks because I've been going out  a lot and playing the sims more than I should. I have a lot of problems.

I don't really know what I wanted to write about anymore and this is a weird missmash of things.

So sorry.